The Video Series
by Riana Mustang
Summary: Rated for a few *choice* words. My friend and I are at it again. Only this time we have a video camera and decide to torment someone. Unfortunately for Obi, it's him. Demented, but funny, or at least we think so.
1. Obi-Torture!

The Video Series (# 1: Obi Torture!)  
Author: Celestia Vitaria   
Disclaimer: I don't own qui, obi, ani, mace, or any other Jedi. I don't own Star Wars in general. Bren belongs to Obi the Kid. However, Layla belongs to me, and Casey, Stella and Yogi belong to my friend, who so graciously gave me the idea for this insane series. Kudos go out to her and also my other friend "Kit" for the inspiration and torment ideas. None of us makes any money off of these things, so don't sue, ok?   
Summary: I *a.k.a. Layla* have a video camera and we decide to torment a bunch of ppl. *1st in a series of who-knows how many. It depends on what plot bunnies decide to bite.* Please R&R, but no flames please. *  
Archive: fine, but just leave me the site address in a review so i know where it's going.   
A/N: In these, Casey and Kenobi are a couple, as are Layla and Qui-Gon.  
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*Static*  
  
(The camera comes into focus and gets a close up view of Obi-Wan Kenobi, fast asleep on the couch and snoring rather loudly.)  
  
Layla: (Trying to be heard over the snoring, and doing a *way* too convincing impression of the crocodile hunter.) Look here, ladies and gentlemen. We've stumbled into the lair of the infamous Beta Braidboy male. I must be careful not to wake him. These particular creatures are very dangerous when provoked. You may die from laughing. (Snicker.)  
  
(The camera pans away from Obi for a minute to take in the common area of the apartment.)  
  
Layla: It seems that the couple have been fighting again. His mate appears to have banished him from their sleeping chambers. In other words folks, I think he's in the proverbial dog house. (Hehe.) (Snicker.) (Snicker.) (Hehe.) (Snort.)  
  
(The camera comes back to focus on Obi's face. He is half awake, one blue-gray eye opened, and an irritated expression on the handsome features.)  
  
Obi: (Glaring at the camera operator through half-opened, bleary eyes.) Layla, get that damn camera out of my face right now before I throw it in the lake and you with it.  
  
Layla: (Petulantly, hiding behind her precious camera.) You do, and I'll shove that stupid digital camera of yours so far up your ass that you'll be crapping out the pieces for a week!  
  
Obi: (Stands up, glaring at her.) If you want to live to see the light of another day, you'll turn that bloody thing off right now!  
  
(The view goes slightly higher as Layla draws herself up to her full height in an almost regal gesture of defiance.)  
  
Layla: Come on then! Bring it on, Braidboy! We'll take this outside and I'll kick your sorry arse so hard that you'll be bloody wearing it for a hat!  
  
Casey: (Sleepily, emerging from one of the bedrooms.) Hey, what's going on here? Geez, a girl can't even get any sleep around this place. Your bickering is loud enough to wake the dead!!  
  
Layla: (Raising an eyebrow.) I am *so* not *even* going to make a comment about that. (Pauses for a moment, then grins.) Yeah, right. You should talk, hun. The way you two fight half the time, it's amazing that you haven't actually managed to accomplish that yet!  
  
Obi: (Sounding almost pitiful.) Can you please tell her to back off with that stupid camera of hers? She actually listens to you for some weird reason.  
  
Both girls: BUTT OUT BRAIDBOY!!  
  
Obi: (Rolling his eyes.) You two are both total nutcases!  
  
Layla: (In an annoyingly high-pitched, sing-song voice.) Temper, temper, Obi-Wan! Anger leads to the dark side! (Then it finally dawns on her what he just said.) Wait. Did he just call us nutcases?  
  
Casey: (Rolls her eyes and smacks Layla on the back of the head.) Gee, ya think? Took you long enough to figure it out.  
  
Layla: (Pouts for a moment, then hands Casey the camera.) Here, hold this for a minute. I'll be right back.  
  
Casey: (Takes the camera and shrugs.) Sure, whatever.  
  
(The two watch as Layla disappears into the kitchen. Obi is wary, and Casey is genuinely curious as to what her friend is up to this time. They get their answer a few moments later when Layla reappears, hiding something behind her back.)  
  
Obi: (Warily.) What are you up to now?  
  
Layla: (Innocently.) Who? Me? Up to something? Why, never, Obi-Wan. I'm deeply hurt that you would even *suspect* me of being up to something. (Sniffle.) (Sniffle.)  
  
Obi: (Watching suspiciously as the girl circles him once, humming nonchalantly to herself.) Cut the innocent wounded crap, Layla. I'm not falling for it.  
  
Layla: (*Way* too cheerfully.) All right, but just remember. You asked for it. (WHACK!)  
  
(She whacks him on the head with the frying pan that she was hiding behind her back. Kenobi stumbles backwards a bit right as Qui-Gon walks in. He watches the scene, somewhere between tired shock and amusement. He has long since gotten used to Casey and Layla's bouts of insanity.)  
  
Obi: (Voice somewhat slurred.) Look at all the pretty stars! Gh'night ever'body! (PLOP!)  
  
(He passes out. Casey, still holding the video camera, has gotten everything on tape.)  
  
Qui: Should I even ask what's going on, love?  
  
Layla: (Shaking her head.) Please don't. It's a *long* story. (Snicker.)  
  
Obi: (Coming back to consciousness, holding his head.) What in the Seven Sith Hells just happened? (He looks over at Layla, then over at Qui-Gon.) Nevermind. Don't answer that. Qui-Gon, your girlfriend is insane!  
  
Casey: (Muttering.) Uh-oh. He's in trouble now.  
  
Layla: Oh, that tears it! Qui, you'd better hold me back, because Kenobi here is gonna lose an eye if you don't!  
  
(Qui-Gon, realizing that she's completely serious, moves forward and grabs hold of her, trying to keep her from beating the crap out of Obi-Wan. She struggles violently, yelling curses in ancient Egyptian and several other languages as Kenobi gets to his feet, holding his still sore head. A large, bruised bump is quickly becoming steadily visible.)  
  
Obi: That's it Qui-Gon! Hold the psycho back!  
  
Layla: (Narrowing her eyes.) Did he just call me a psycho?!  
  
Qui: I believe so.  
  
Layla: (Yelling at the top of her voice.) KENOBI!  
  
(Said Jedi cringes.)  
  
Casey: Uh-oh. (Peers out from behind the camera.) You shouldn't have said that, buddy-boy! You're in the doghouse now.  
  
(At Casey's mention of a doghouse, Layla immediately stops struggling and glances over towards where Yogi and Stella, Casey's dogs, lying by the couch, watching the proceedings with a detatched interest that only dogs can manage.Yogi looks up at Layla with his sleepy brown eyes. An evil grin creeps onto Layla's face that would make an angry rottweiler wet itself. She'd just come up with an awful idea.)  
  
Layla: (Grinning maliciously.) Yogi, Stella, CHEWTOY!  
  
(The dogs immediately obey her command and take off after Kenobi, barking and growling. He swears viciously and bolts out the door, running down the corridors screaming like a girl with the dogs growling and snapping at him, hot on his heels. Qui, Layla and Casey stare after him for a long moment as Qui-Gon finally lets go of Layla and the two girls start laughing hysterically, Layla leaning on Qui to keep herself from falling down on the floor.)  
  
Both girls: (Hehe.) (Haha.) (Snicker.) (Snicker.) (Hehe.) (Snort.)  
  
Layla: (Still snickering.) Well, damn. (Haha.) Oh, this is too funny! (Haha.) (Looks towards the door.) There goes the moron. There go the dogs. Dang, there goes our entertainment! (Pouts for a moment.)  
  
Casey: Ok, now that was just funny.  
  
Layla: (Brightens as an idea pops into her head.) Hey, is that video camera still turned on?  
  
Casey: (Gives her the camera.) Yeah, why?  
  
Layla: What's say we follow Kenobi just for the hell of it and video tape it?  
  
Casey: (Shrugs.) Sure, why not?  
  
Layla: Great! Come on before we miss it all!  
  
Qui: (Interrupting them.) You two have some major issues, you do know that, don't you?  
  
Both girls: (Exchange glances, then nod enthusiastically.) Mmm-hmm! Yup! We know.  
  
(The two girls then run out of the apartment with Qui-Gon shaking his head in amazement, following Kenobi and the dogs through the corridors. Several Jedi have stopped to stare, wondering what in the worlds all the commotion is about.)  
  
Bren: (Calling out to them as they run past.) What's with the video camera?  
  
Both girls: (Calling back over their shoulders in unison.) Two words: Kenobi torture!  
  
Bren: (Shrugs.) Oh. Carry on then girls.   
  
(The girls start laughing again. Layla, busy with the camera, is not really paying any attention as to where she is going. She suddenly runs into something solid and falls backwards onto the tiled floor, landing on her butt with a quiet, "oof!" She somehow manages to hold onto the video camera, though, and the view slowly goes up...and up...and up, finally focusing on the scowling face of Council member Mace Windu. Layla gasps.)  
  
Layla: Oh. Shit.  
  
Mace: (Completely unamused, hauling the now-frightened girl roughly to her feet.) Layla! Casey! What is the meaning of all this commotion?! You'd better have a good explanation for this!  
  
(Layla glances over at Casey helplessly, sees the same expression on her friend's face, then turns back to Mace.)  
  
Layla: (Meekly.) Meow? (Tries in vain to look completely innocent. It doesn't work.)  
  
*Static* (The camera is turned off.)  
  
  
~El fin~  
Well? What do you think? Love it, hate it, don't know what to think of it? This is what happens when my friends and I are bored and I've had way too much sugar or caffiene, and too little sleep. R&R and let me know what you think either way.  
*Celestia Vitaria* 


	2. Qui-Torture!

The Video Series (# 2: Qui Torture!)  
Author: Celestia Vitaria   
Disclaimer: I don't own qui, obi, ani, mace, or any other Jedi. I don't own Star Wars in general. However, Layla belongs to me, and Casey, Stella and Yogi belong to my friend, who so graciously gave me the idea for this insane series. Kudos go out to her and also my other friend "Kit" for the inspiration and torment ideas. None of us makes any money off of these things, so don't sue, ok?   
Summary: I *a.k.a. Layla* have a video camera and we decide to torment a bunch of ppl. *2nd in a series of who-knows how many. It depends on what plot bunnies decide to bite.* Please R&R, but no flames please. *  
Archive: fine, but just leave me the site address in a review so i know where it's going.   
A/N: In these, Casey and Kenobi are a couple, as are Layla and Qui-Gon. (Layla's nickname is Fox, because she tends to be about as sly and tricky as one.) Oh, and thanks Kit, for the pink fast-acting dye thing!   
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Static*  
  
(The camera is turned on again and focuses on Layla.)  
  
Layla: (Just a bit indignantly.) Do you believe old windbag?! He has a lot of nerve! (Doing an eerily convincing imitation of him, her voice taking on a slightly prissy tone.) What's the meaning of this?! It's unbecoming of a Jedi to run through the Temple with a video camera. Blah blah blahdy-blah blah! (She rolls her eyes, shaking her head from side to side mockingly.) Look at me, look at me! I'm a baldie, all-powerful Council memeber! You will all bow before me or I'll give you a really lame dirty look! I've got my bald head shoved so far up Yoda's wrinkly green ass that I can't even see the bloody light of day!  
  
Casey: (Cracking up behind the camera.) You'd better hope none of them ever see this tape. Otherwise, we'd both be screwed.  
  
Layla: Yeah, well, he totally deserves it. At least we managed to keep the camera and tape intact. (Mutters darkly under her breath.) I'll get even with him later.  
  
Casey: (Pointing out the obvious to her friend.) Yeah, after you finally managed to convince him that we were working on a project for one of our classes.  
  
Layla: (Offering a slight shrug.) Hmm. Go figure, huh? But hey, at least it worked, didn't it?  
  
Casey: (Nods in agreement.) Yeah, I'll give you that much.  
  
Layla: (Bows dramatically.) Thank you, thank you very much! But anyway, enough of the windbag. Now onto our next victim...QUI-GON JINN! He should be coming through that door any second now. Is everything ready?  
  
Casey: Yup!  
  
Layla: Okay, good. Let the sparks fly in 5...4...3...2...1!  
  
(Just then, the front door opens and a bucket of bright pink fast-acting dye falls on Qui-Gon's head as he walks in. The girls start laughing hysterically and give each other a high-five.)  
  
Layla: (Gesturing triumphantly.) YES! DI-RECT HIT!  
  
Qui: (Lifting the bucket from his head and glaring irritably at the two girls. His hair, face, and clothes are covered with the pink dye.) CASEY! LAYLA! YOU TWO ARE SERIOUSLY BEGINNING TO TRY MY PATIENCE!  
  
Layla: *Eep* Shit, gotta go! Come on, Casey!  
  
*Static*  
  
(The camera is turned off.)  
  
*Static*   
  
(The camera is turned back on and focuses on Layla again, kneeling beside Qui-Gon, who is fast asleep and snoring. Layla rolls her eyes, then grins evilly as she turns to look towards the camera.)  
  
Casey: (Looking out from behind the camera.) Geez, what is it with guys and snoring? I don't know how you can stand that.   
  
Layla: (Shrugs.) I don't know either, but do me a favor and hand me those hair ribbons over there please, will you?  
  
Casey: Are you thinking what I think you're thinking, Fox? Or do I even want to know?  
  
Layla: (Snickers and nods enthusiastically.) You'd better believe it, sister. Mr. Pink Hair here is going to regret trying to ruin our tape.  
  
Casey: (Raises an eyebrow.) Mr. Pink Hair? Okay, so now that was just funny.  
  
Layla: (Nods.) Yeah, I thought so, too.  
  
(Casey puts the camera down on a chair in the room for a moment and hands Layla the ribbons. Then the camera is picked up again and Layla is seen braiding various bright neon colored ribbons into Qui-Gon's now-pink hair. The effect of it is almost blinding.)  
  
Casey: (Trying desperately not to laugh.) He's going to be really pissed off when he wakes up, you do know that, right?  
  
Layla: (Nodding.) Oh, I'm completely aware of that, but I'm not finished with him yet. This is nowhere *near* over with. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.  
  
Casey: What else are you going to do to him?  
  
Layla: (Braiding the last ribbon into Qui's hair, this one a really bright neon yellow.) Oh, you'll see in just a minute. I'll be right back.  
  
(She gets up and leaves the room. She comes back a few moments later, holding her rather large makeup bag. She grins like a cheshire cat at Casey.)  
  
Casey: Male version of Mimi?   
  
Layla: Oh yeah. (Muttering under her breath as she digs through her bag and starts to remove various items, putting them down on the floor beside her.) Let's just see what we've got here. Eyeshadow, lipstick, blush, glitter, lipgloss, eyeliner...oooh! There's even some nailpolish in here! Crimson red. Perfect. Mwa ha ha.  
  
(She puts the makeup on him, humming innocently to herself and trying not to laugh, but failing miserably. Then she stands up, admiring her handiwork, and gestures for Casey to follow her out of the room.)  
  
*Static*  
  
(The camera is turned off.)  
  
*Static*  
  
(The camera comes into focus on the closed door of Qui-Gon and Layla's bedroom. Layla is already awake, and is sitting on her knees on the couch next to her friend, holding the video camera.)  
  
Casey: Are you sure this is going to work?  
  
Layla: (Shifting positions on the couch.) Yeah, I'm totally sure, but I wish he would hurry up and get up already. My legs are falling asleep from sitting here like this for so long.  
  
Casey: Well, you've been sitting there all morning.  
  
Layla: Yeah, I know. Here, do me a favor and hold this for me for just a minute. I'm going to go see if I can't hurry things along just a little bit here.  
  
(She gives the camera to Casey and literally jumps over the side of the couch, knocks on the bedroom door and runs back to where her friend is waiting. A few moments later the door opens and Qui-Gon comes out of the bedroom, waves to the girls, not noticing the camera and walks into the bathroom. A minute later, various curses are heard coming from behind the closed door in several different languages. The girls start snickering. The bathroom door is slammed open and Qui-Gon storms out, a very pissed off expression on his face and yelling various harsh epithets. The girls are about to die laughing at his predicament. Qui-Gon, however, is *not* amused.)  
  
Qui: LAYLA! CASEY! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU TWO PSYCHOS DONE TO ME?!  
  
Layla: (Innocently, her voice again taking on that prissy tone.) Why, whatever do you mean, Qui-Gon?  
  
Qui: You know damned well and good what I mean.  
  
Casey: Hey, don't look at us. For once, we didn't do anything.  
  
Qui: (Skeptically.) Why do I not believe you?  
  
Layla: Honestly, it wasn't us! I swear on my braid that we didn't do anything!  
  
Qui: (Suspiciously.) Well, who did then?  
  
Casey: It was Anakin! Blame the little Sith Brat, not us!  
  
Layla: (Nodding, she allows herself to indulge in a little pout that she knows Qui-Gon can never resist.) Yeah, we saw him do it! We tried to stop him, but he was hellbent!   
  
(Just then, said "Sith Brat" walks in, stopping dead in his tracks when he sees the two girls and Qui-Gon. Unable to resist the temptation, he bursts out laughing hysterically at Qui-Gon's appearance, which only serves to strengthen Layla and Casey's testimony that Anakin is, in fact, to blame for all of this. He is blissfully unaware of the very deep hole that he is currently digging himself into.)  
  
Qui: (Angrily, rasing his voice to be heard over Anakin's mirth.) ANAKIN SKYWALKER!  
  
Anakin: (His laughter dying now.) What happened to you, Master Qui-Gon?  
  
Qui-Gon: (His voice deadly-calm now.) You should know, Anakin. It was your doing.  
  
Anakin: (Glances over at the girls, and suddenly realizes what's going on.) I should probably run now, shouldn't I?  
  
Layla: (Nods just a bit too enthusiastically.) Ummm...yeah. I'd say you'd better run for your life.  
  
Anakin: SHIT!  
  
(Anakin bolts out the door screaming like a girl, with Qui-Gon chasing after him, wielding his lightsaber and cursing. Layla locks them out.)  
  
Layla: Geez, what a couple of chumps. How stupid can they be?  
  
Casey: Did you just lock them out?  
  
Layla: (Innocently.) Yeah, why?  
  
Casey: Qui's gonna be really pissed.  
  
Layla: (Shrugs indifferently.) Yeah, I know, but hey, the gullible chumps deserved it. What's your point?  
  
*Static*  
  
(The camera is turned off.)  
  
~El fin~  
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Well, what do you think? Love it, hate it, don't know what to think of it? This is what happens when my friend and I are bored. Next victim...Anakin Skywalker, so if anyone has any suggestion on what we can do to him, feel free to let me know. Sorry this took so long, but my comp hates me. Oh, and a quick shout-out to ihadanepiphany. Thanks for the reviews and advertising my fics! I appreciate it! *grins* Well, folks, leave a review, but no flames please.   
~*Celestia Vitaria*~ 


End file.
